u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
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