I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
