A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
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Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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