Define "chronic" masturbator.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize