This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
