dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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