Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
