this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
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