Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
