He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
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