I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I woke up under a house in Key West
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