she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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