Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
