tell your sister to shave her snatch
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
