Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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