Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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