well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
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Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
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Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.