Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution