the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
It’s A Miracle These 21 Promiscuous People Don’t Have STDs
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.