Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
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Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
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She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.