i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
