Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
