did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
