Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
