I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
