I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Randomize
