The maid of honor just puked.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize