I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
