i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I use my feet as sexual weapons
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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