Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
