just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize