Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
send nudes
from the living room?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
