I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
