That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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