I should be sponsored by Trojan
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
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