Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
