when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
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