I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
