Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
