If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
