no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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