Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
