When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
