The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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