You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
