Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
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