i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
