Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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