i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
