Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
