CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
You ruined the universe
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