He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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