After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
