I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
