Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
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Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
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Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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