Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
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