Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
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its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
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You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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