Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
