I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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