im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
