omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize