He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Randomize
