I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
