I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
