when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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