I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
